A New Chapter

So, this blog hasn't been exactly what I thought it was going to be. I thought I would blog way more than I do. With that being said, lately life for me the has been really hard. Blogging hasn't been one of my priorities. I have really been struggling with some things. First of all...I let guilt creep in. That will be one of my life-long struggles. But, 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." So, me worry about things I'm already forgiven for is silly and a waste of my time. Anyway....i'm over that for now=)
I have also been having some struggles with my precious hubby. Let me preface this all by saying, I am married to AN INCREDIBLE guy. I really am. He is such a hard worker and works so hard so I can be at home with my kids. He is unbelievably kind to other people. He would never allow my friends, or his for that matter, to know that he was in a bad mood. I never have to feel uncomfortable b/c he's rude to my friends....he makes everyone feel at home when they are with our family. He is an awesome father and takes great care of his kids. He bathes them ALOT...and he tucks them in, more than me actually. He's not out at bars or running around. When he is not working...he's with us. He really is awesome and I don't want anyone to think I am down on him. Life is just hard sometimes. We are struggling with things that lots of married couples struggle with. But, its been very hard for me and I have felt very helpless where alot of our issues are concerned.So, a couple of weeks ago, I was at a friends house and ended up with a free entry to a marriage conference. They paid for our registration and our room at a really nice Mariott in kingsport, about 40 minutes from our house. Honestly, I was really excited to go. It is a christian conference, called a Weekend to Remember. I was so excited for the chance to be away with my husband, with no distraction, and to learn ways to continue building a strong marriage that lasts. I felt like God was throwing us a life raft.
I met him there on friday night and we got home this afternoon about 2. The weekend was great. Being alone with him was awesome. We reconnected...something that has needed to happen for a very long time. We also learned alot. We spent lots of time talking...which I love to do, especially with him. We had homebuilding projects that we completed alone in our room. We answered questions separately, then discussed them together when we were done. It opened up alot of conversation for us, which we REALLY needed. There was alot of information given to us this weekend, but here are the things that are really sticking out the most in my mind. Some of them I already knew, but definitely don't always practice and really needed to hear them again.

*I am not the Holy Spirit in my husband's life and nagging him doesn't bring him closer to the Lord.=)

*My husband should be my first priority, even over my kids.

*I don't need to vocalize everytime I become offended.(this is super hard for me....but, not everything is worth fighting over and the sooner I learn this....the less arguing there will be)

*Seek forgiveness, not apologies.

*I do not need to walk away from the weekend expecting a perfect marriage, or family, I need to just live MY own life in a way thats pleasing to the Lord. If I do this...everything else will be ok.

*Forgive offenses....God has forgiven me billions more time than He will ever ask me to forgive. Lack of forgiveness creates bitterness in a person's life and is sinful. They actually told a story about a man that reunited with his wife after her imprisonement for soliciting someone to murder him. If he can forgive that...we can forgive anything.

*Love my husband, cover him with blessing

*It takes just as much blood to cover my sins as it does to cover the sins of a mass murderer. (not marriage related...but equally great)

*There are lots of people wanting to date my spouse...I should date him before someone else tries to.

*Every 28 seconds someone divorces.

*I am not responsible for my husbands behavior or choices...I am however responsible for my own.

I really feel encouraged by our weekend together. I feel like there are so many things I need to work on. I need to spend more time loving him and less time criticizing. His relationship with the Lord, or anyone else's for that matter, is not my responsibility and who am I to judge him. My critical spirit definitely wasnt driving him in God's direction.
What I did learn this weekend is that I ADORE him and we have so much fun together. He makes me laugh like noone else in my life. We have created history together, and four beautiful children, and its takes such a long time to build that. I want to work at it and make it right. I don't want to coexist. I want us to love being together. To be best friends again. We promised each other today that we were going to start fresh and be more encouraging toward one another. Its not going to be perfect, because we aren't perfect, but it can be great, and fun, and thats ultimately what we desire. God meant for this to be great...and thats what I want.
And so begins a new chapter..... So Stay Tuned!!!