My obsession

Well, those of you that really know me, know that I get emotionally involved with people that I don't know. I read blogs and I am broken for mother's that have lost their babies, or husbands, or mothers. I have always had such a passion for people who are walking that journey called grief.
Back in high school, a friend was killed by a drunk driver. My boyfriend at the time was close with him. I was so BROKEN. I was consumed by the grief. I needed an outlet and I wanted to DO something to make a difference. I found myself in his home, with his poor broken momma. A beautiful relationship began. I felt so utilized by just being there with her. By sitting by her, when everyone else had returned to the normal of life. By listening to her memories of her son, or her cries as she mourned what would never be. I walked a VERY sad, tragic, and devastating path with her.
Fast forward eight years. I was living in Illinois and my precious Aunt Karen was battling a nasty disease that destroys your central nervous system. She was being cared for in my parents home. She started to have a pretty rapid decline. I got a call in February of 2007. They said that she had some pretty major setbacks and that they didn't expect her to make it very much longer. I did what I do. I packed my stuff and headed home with my kids to say goodbye. I got there and it felt so good to put my hands on her. To pray in her presence that God would give her ultimate peace. I hadn't slept in over a week. I was so restless in Illinois. Wanting to be there. I went to sit by her bedside. I FELL asleep and had the most restful thirty minute nap, right beside her bed. It felt right...I was there to face it head on. I stayed for three weeks. She pressed on. I headed back to Illinois while she continued to fight her battle. My husband got his transfer to Tennessee. The one I had been praying about for so many years. We would be moving home in June. Karen started back on a tragic decline. I just new in my heart, that she would hold out until I brought my family back to Tennessee. One week before we were scheduled to be there, my mom called to tell me that things didn't look good. Hospice nurses were saying that she wouldn't live more than three more days. My heart was CRUSHED. That was on Sunday. Tuesday came and she had a pretty good day. She never spoke a word after that day. The days got longer, but I was believing in my heart that I would make it. By Friday, she was struggling with breaths and pain. I sat in Illinois, feeling so terribly helpless and alone as my ENTIRE family rallied around her. They all stayed, night and day, together. Saturday morning, ONE day before I was supposed to be home, my family lovingly ushered her into the precious presence of Jesus. I had never felt any more out of place in any other time in my life. I tackled the very gutwrenching task of saying goodbye to my life in Illinois on sunday and made the 12 hour trip home with one thought in my mind. I needed to be there...and I needed to DO something. I arrived home in the early hours Monday morning. Finally, my heart could rest. I was there and being effective. Caring for my family, preparing for a funeral and a burial.
Fast forward another year. My husband gets the phone call that his grandfather is dying. He hadn't seen his grandfather in over ten years. He was heartbroken for all the things he had not done. He began to grieve for the loss to come and for the loss that had been for all the years that had passed without a connection with this precious man. I knew what had to happen. I told my husband, we HAVE to go there. You will regret it some day if we don't. This is his LIFE and we have to go there. After a little bit of persuasion...we set off, with only Isaac in tow...and headed to Louisville. We had no idea what would lay ahead of us. We spent two days, with Alex's parents, grandparents, and uncle...loving this man into Jesus's arms. We held his hands, wiped his mouth, and fed him his drinks. We said goodbye, but we were doing something and it was so right. We left, with lots of tears, but with peace in our hearts.
This morning, my mom came into my room before she left for work to bring me some sad news. She had received a call early this morning from my sister. A sweet friend from our church, Carolyn, had lost her husband in the middle of the night, very unexpectedly. Harvey woke her up in the middle of the night to tell her he was having trouble breathing. She got up and put him in the car to take him to the hospital not knowing the full extent of his emergency. She believes that he was pretty much gone by the time she pulled up in front of the ER. This man was sitting in the service last night at our church. My heart was SO broken for her. I again REALLY needed to do something.
I got on the phone with a couple ladies from church and with my momma. We prepared the things that we felt like would help her in this time of tragedy. Together we went to this sweet womans home and we were just there. To do something...so she wasn't alone.
I read blogs of women whose babies die with cord strangulation, or SIDS in their beds across the hall, or from heart defects that seem to be under control, or from being run over by cars, or from cancer only three weeks after being given a diagnosis. I know women who press on in this world, without their husbands by their sides. I have friends whose mother's were defeated by lifetaking cancers and illnesses. All the while...time marches on. The world never stops to recognize the lives of Cora, Aiden, Maria, Gunner, Harvey, Judy, Mara, Annabelle, or Tyler. This list goes on and on.
This morning after talking to my mom, I went in to get my kids ready for school and my mind was racing in a million different directions. Lord, give Carolyn a peace that only comes from you, wow, will I get my kids to school in time, Lord, please help me to treasure EVERY moment with the ones that I love and help me to ALWAYS say it, what can I do to ease the burden of these broken hearts, Lord, how can I represent you and make a difference? The Lord has given me a brokeness for people who are suffering loss. I pray that i use that brokeness to change the journey's of the people walking through grief! Lord, use us in this terribly broken world. Bring peace to these broken people. Give them joy were there is pain, give them comfort where there is loneliness, and where there are SO many tears....let laughter come. Thank you Lord for my passion! May you be glorified in the desire's of my heart.