Stellan

I'm sitting here tonight thinking about Sweet Stellan. I'm sure that anyone who would be reading my blog knows about Stellan and MckMama...but just in case you don't....go check them out at mycharmingkids.net. Stellan's story has captivated my heart from the very beginning. I was reading MckMama's blog while Stellan was in her womb. He was diagnosed there as having SVT. The doctor's informed her that he would probably never take his first breath! He was born a healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy! He has spent the last five months surrounded by his family that prayed so faithfully that they would get to see him grow. And his family is forever singing praises that the Lord has healed this child....The amazing thing is, she praised him even when she thought this child would die!
On March 20th...Stellan was admitted to the hospital for his heart once again being in SVT. This poor baby is such a fighter....and his precious body is suffering so much from the sickness that's controlling him. His momma is also a fighter...she has rallied around this child and is claiming and believing that God is in control....regardless of the outcome. She AMAZES me!
I will admit...I have been one of the faithful blog readers that is obsessively checking her blog and twitter to see the updates....Once an hour, I am on, to see if she's given any insight into his life for that day. This child has made me pray more in the last week and a half then I can even fathom. I want so badly for this baby to be healed on this earth.
I had a conversation with a friend tonight about the purpose of prayer....she asked...if all these people all over the world are praying...then why is he still sick? Why does God allow babies to die? How do we have hope in that?
I have been processing this thought all night....we pray because we have hope, we pray because we need hope, we pray because God hears the cries of our hearts, we pray because sometimes his mother doesn't have her own words to be praying. Sometimes our hearts are so heavy we have no words. We pray because Christ is our ONLY hope!
I want so badly to have a faith that firm....that the threatening of death to my own child will not shake me. I want to be able to say....I know that HE is in control and that nothing can separate me from Him. I am longing for that faith...I hope I already have that deep rooted faith. I pray that my faith is never challenged in the ways that Jennifer, Michelle, Patrice, Brooke or countless other parents have been challenged.
I pray that my faith makes others want to step out and make that leap towards an eternity in heaven...I pray that others see Jesus in my heart!

Oh Lord, Heal Stellan! Heal him on this earth. Jennifer will FOREVER give YOU the credit for this precious baby's life. Please touch his sick body and make it well. Touch his frantic heart and make it beat in normal rhythm. YOU are the answer for Stellan. No medicine, or procedure is even needed when YOU lay your hands on him. Please Lord, touch him...HEAL him. It's in YOUR name that we pray and ask and believe these things.....

Praying for Stellan!

I am sitting here tonight and my heart is so moved to be praying for this precious baby boy! I have been reading his Mama's blog for months now and have grown to love her family so much. She has such a way with words and has a true God-seeking heart! Her baby Stellan really needs our prayers right now as he faces an uncertain diagnoses. Please join in praying for sweet Stellan!
Oh Lord, we know that you have used Stellan and his family many times already for your glory. We pray that your will be done in his life. We thank you that Jennifer is always faithful...even in the valley's she will praise you. Thank you Father for this awesome example of what faith can do in your life! Lord, carry them through!!!

Not Me! Monday!

So, its time for Not Me! Monday! This is where we can all be BRUTALLY honest and live to tell about it! Head over to MckMama's blog and see what all the lovely women have NOT been doing this week!!! http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/02/not-me-monday_23.html

So, this week I did not ignore my daughter's complaining about something being in her eye. She is NOT at all dramatic...so I would never assume she was complaining about something being in her eye because of the eyelash experience we had a few weeks ago.

So, on Thursday, she didn't wake up with a totally red eye and make me wonder if she had pink eye. On thursday, the same day I woke up to what I thought was pink eye, Bella did not clog up the toilet with too much toilet paper...sending water pouring all the way to the edge of the bathroom where the carpet begins in the hallway! I didn't spend an hour cleaning it up and make Emma late for school! When I went to leave for school, with all four kids in tow, I didn't realize that I had indeed locked my keys in my car the night before. I didn't head to our pediatricians office later that day, because I never take my kids to the doctor, because they are never sick! At the doctor's office, I didn't discover that what I thought was pink eye, just might be glaucoma! I didn't cry about this either, I would never be that emotional!

By Friday morning, we were not at a pediatric opthomologists office, because nothing was in my daughter's eye remember????
By 3:15 that afternoon she was not headed into surgery to remove a piece of metal from her eye that apparently wasn't visable to our eyes when we were looking!!!!
I did not send my daughter off with a bunch of doctor's so that they could put her to sleep and "dig" the rusted piece of metal out that had attatched to her eye ball!!!!!!!
This week I did not go to school without all of my homework not done!! I would never do that because I am a perfect student.
I did not spend a huge portion of last night, digging toilet paper out of a clogged toilet drain with a metal hanger! I would never do something so gross and my kid would never put to much toilet paper in to begin with! And I did not go three days sharing a toilet with my parents!
I did not go this past weekend and share my sin stained past with some lovely junior high ladies! I would never do that because my past is perfect...because I am perfect!
And I did not finish this blog when it was technically Tuesday...because I was sitting with sick babies today! I wouldn't have to be sitting with sick babies...because my kids are NEVER sick!!!! Whew...this week's was really therapuetic!!!

My children

The weather has been so beautiful the last couple of days and today we decided to take advantage of it! We went to the park after I picked Allie up from school. It was such a perfect afternoon. There was rain headed our way...so there weren't many people at the playground. That's great for me because it makes it easier to keep up with my children =) Its a task to keep my eyes on all four.
Today I let Isaac down and he crawled ALL OVER the place. I didn't have shoes on him...and his feet and clothes...got so dirty. He loved every single minute of it. I loved just watching him be the boy that he is.
Emma was busy showing me how brave she has become. She did everything there was to do...including the monkey bars with no assistance and anyone that knows Emma...knows this is a big deal. I was telling my mom how she wasn't afraid to drop down from some pretty high places today and my mom informed me..."Thats because we've been practicing jumping off the dryer"...Gotta love time with Nana.
Bella was trying as hard as she could to stay away from me. She is trying very hard right now to be as independent as possible, plus...she can't stand to have her picture taken right now and she does everything possible to avoid it.
Allie had been at the park for maybe three minutes and had made a new friend. She also got her phone number before we left to go home. Allie is ALWAYS looking to have new friends in her life and takes every opportunity to make them! We had an awesome day. I really enjoyed my time just being there, watching them, and photographing them while we played. I can't wait for consistent warm weather!!!

Welcome to the World

I want to say....Welcome to the world baby William R. Dunn. Proud parents are Sterling and Mara!!!! Lord, bless this precious baby boy. Let him love You all the days of his life. Lord, bless Sterling and Mara as they begin on this sacred journey of parenthood. Thank you Jesus for Your gifts!!!

My obsession

Well, those of you that really know me, know that I get emotionally involved with people that I don't know. I read blogs and I am broken for mother's that have lost their babies, or husbands, or mothers. I have always had such a passion for people who are walking that journey called grief.
Back in high school, a friend was killed by a drunk driver. My boyfriend at the time was close with him. I was so BROKEN. I was consumed by the grief. I needed an outlet and I wanted to DO something to make a difference. I found myself in his home, with his poor broken momma. A beautiful relationship began. I felt so utilized by just being there with her. By sitting by her, when everyone else had returned to the normal of life. By listening to her memories of her son, or her cries as she mourned what would never be. I walked a VERY sad, tragic, and devastating path with her.
Fast forward eight years. I was living in Illinois and my precious Aunt Karen was battling a nasty disease that destroys your central nervous system. She was being cared for in my parents home. She started to have a pretty rapid decline. I got a call in February of 2007. They said that she had some pretty major setbacks and that they didn't expect her to make it very much longer. I did what I do. I packed my stuff and headed home with my kids to say goodbye. I got there and it felt so good to put my hands on her. To pray in her presence that God would give her ultimate peace. I hadn't slept in over a week. I was so restless in Illinois. Wanting to be there. I went to sit by her bedside. I FELL asleep and had the most restful thirty minute nap, right beside her bed. It felt right...I was there to face it head on. I stayed for three weeks. She pressed on. I headed back to Illinois while she continued to fight her battle. My husband got his transfer to Tennessee. The one I had been praying about for so many years. We would be moving home in June. Karen started back on a tragic decline. I just new in my heart, that she would hold out until I brought my family back to Tennessee. One week before we were scheduled to be there, my mom called to tell me that things didn't look good. Hospice nurses were saying that she wouldn't live more than three more days. My heart was CRUSHED. That was on Sunday. Tuesday came and she had a pretty good day. She never spoke a word after that day. The days got longer, but I was believing in my heart that I would make it. By Friday, she was struggling with breaths and pain. I sat in Illinois, feeling so terribly helpless and alone as my ENTIRE family rallied around her. They all stayed, night and day, together. Saturday morning, ONE day before I was supposed to be home, my family lovingly ushered her into the precious presence of Jesus. I had never felt any more out of place in any other time in my life. I tackled the very gutwrenching task of saying goodbye to my life in Illinois on sunday and made the 12 hour trip home with one thought in my mind. I needed to be there...and I needed to DO something. I arrived home in the early hours Monday morning. Finally, my heart could rest. I was there and being effective. Caring for my family, preparing for a funeral and a burial.
Fast forward another year. My husband gets the phone call that his grandfather is dying. He hadn't seen his grandfather in over ten years. He was heartbroken for all the things he had not done. He began to grieve for the loss to come and for the loss that had been for all the years that had passed without a connection with this precious man. I knew what had to happen. I told my husband, we HAVE to go there. You will regret it some day if we don't. This is his LIFE and we have to go there. After a little bit of persuasion...we set off, with only Isaac in tow...and headed to Louisville. We had no idea what would lay ahead of us. We spent two days, with Alex's parents, grandparents, and uncle...loving this man into Jesus's arms. We held his hands, wiped his mouth, and fed him his drinks. We said goodbye, but we were doing something and it was so right. We left, with lots of tears, but with peace in our hearts.
This morning, my mom came into my room before she left for work to bring me some sad news. She had received a call early this morning from my sister. A sweet friend from our church, Carolyn, had lost her husband in the middle of the night, very unexpectedly. Harvey woke her up in the middle of the night to tell her he was having trouble breathing. She got up and put him in the car to take him to the hospital not knowing the full extent of his emergency. She believes that he was pretty much gone by the time she pulled up in front of the ER. This man was sitting in the service last night at our church. My heart was SO broken for her. I again REALLY needed to do something.
I got on the phone with a couple ladies from church and with my momma. We prepared the things that we felt like would help her in this time of tragedy. Together we went to this sweet womans home and we were just there. To do something...so she wasn't alone.
I read blogs of women whose babies die with cord strangulation, or SIDS in their beds across the hall, or from heart defects that seem to be under control, or from being run over by cars, or from cancer only three weeks after being given a diagnosis. I know women who press on in this world, without their husbands by their sides. I have friends whose mother's were defeated by lifetaking cancers and illnesses. All the while...time marches on. The world never stops to recognize the lives of Cora, Aiden, Maria, Gunner, Harvey, Judy, Mara, Annabelle, or Tyler. This list goes on and on.
This morning after talking to my mom, I went in to get my kids ready for school and my mind was racing in a million different directions. Lord, give Carolyn a peace that only comes from you, wow, will I get my kids to school in time, Lord, please help me to treasure EVERY moment with the ones that I love and help me to ALWAYS say it, what can I do to ease the burden of these broken hearts, Lord, how can I represent you and make a difference? The Lord has given me a brokeness for people who are suffering loss. I pray that i use that brokeness to change the journey's of the people walking through grief! Lord, use us in this terribly broken world. Bring peace to these broken people. Give them joy were there is pain, give them comfort where there is loneliness, and where there are SO many tears....let laughter come. Thank you Lord for my passion! May you be glorified in the desire's of my heart.

Not Me! Monday!

Its time for Not Me! Monday! Head over to MckMama's blog to find out what women all over the world were NOT doing this week! http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/02/not-me-mondayparticipate-and-win-prize.html

I would never in my life have ever agreed to have a sleep over for my daughter and her SEVEN closest first grade friends this weekend. I would never have agreed to that because who would invite that much madness into their lives.

I did not drive ten minutes longer to a different walmart on saturday just so I could get a coffee from starbucks. I would never waste twenty minutes of my life for a coffee and I would never pay that much for a coffee either.

I did not let my son stay in the bathtub saturday night for almost an hour, to help him avoid the SWEET girls that were wanting to love all over his head and carry him around the room!

I most certainly am not whining to God about my life in Tennessee this week, after I prayed, I mean begged, Him for years to move me home and close to my family!

I did not buy a camera for $300. I would never spend that much on an unnecessary expense.

This week I have not been planning my summer trying to figure out ways for me to stay in Illinois on my visits as long as possible. I also dont actually sit around and think of ways to try and persuade my friends to move here!

I absolutely did not cry my eyes out tonight when my best friend sent me a text message that her baby is now laughing out loud. I didn't cry because I AM not missing out on her life.

I am not worried about people in my lives and the choices that they are making.

I did not give my daughter a very small glass of moutain dew this morning to help relieve her tired meltdown. I didn't do that because I would never have bribed my kid in a desperate attempt for quiet!

Yesterday I did not put on the same shirt I was wearing the day before because it was the only thing I had CLEAN that fit my body in a way that I could cope with. And my FIVE year old did not call me on it.

I am so glad that my week was full of perfection and that I don't have lots of crazy life choices that are so embarrassing to say out loud that I have to blog about them on the internet.